Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?
I guess there’s no avoiding this one… every time I try to get something new to inspire me, it’s all like I want to know your secrets and dig deep into your soul and make you squirm.
But really there has been so many of these “events” in my life, that I can’t just pick one. I really can’t; not with the kind of dreams I have. And before you ask, yes I do read into my dreams, well at least now I do. After a heart wrenching, mind bending, breathtaking, incredibly lucid nightmare/ dream. You kind of want to know why your having such dreams. So I go to Dream Dictionary.
What I find there, most of the time frightens me. Because really, dreams (in my opinion) have either one or two meanings. One of them meaning that you have an unconscious desire for something, or an underlining meaning of something in your waking life. And the second kind of dream is self explanatory, there just random flashes of places and times that you might not of even seen before. (I usually use this part of the dream thing for my stories, cause that’s basically what it is, just stories waiting to happen)
I love those ones. Gives me ideas, and characters for my stories. But the first one, scares me a lot, because whenever I have one of those dreams and I research them when I wake up; I find that it is almost always true. My desires, my problems, my weaknesses are being shown to me while I sleep; and most of the time, in the most terrifying, desirable ways possible.
(Is it just me, or is this starting to sound really sexual? Oh well)
But I’m getting completely sidetracked. I guess I’m just avoiding it still. I give in, I’ll tell you one of those moments; and this one is not a dream, but very very real.
Very simply put. It was a kiss.
Here goes absolutely nothing. And here comes my embarrassment.
It was cold. But standing near him was making my heart beat so hard I never really noticed it. We were standing on the deck of a church, it was about 8 at night. I was still wondering what we were really doing here.
I mean I knew why, it was a place for us to hang out. But with him, I never really knew the meanings behind his ways. Unknowing to me, I shivered slightly as we stood there and talked about life, about being free, about family; anything and everything. “Are you cold?” He asked. I laughed, “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Here.” Opening his huge jacket, obviously telling me to go hug him. I walked two steps over and put my arms around him, and then feeling his arms around me as he closed the jacket around the both of us. It was slightly awkward embrace, but I was definitely warm now. Heat rising in my cheeks, I kept my face turned away from his; knowing full well he would notice and make a comment on it. We stood there for quite awhile.
My heart was racing, we were cuddling-ish. He was really warm, like a cozy heater. I turned my head towards his neck. I could hear his heart thudding somewhat rapidly in his chest. I was beginning to feel a little awkward, I felt like I was bothering him.
“I think I’m warm enough now.” I said pulling away from him. As I was pulling away, I felt his hands on my face, and for the slowest second of my life, I looked into his blue eyes and I almost forgot to breath; he looked determined, and without a doubt he wasn’t backing down from what he was about to do.
My breathe hitched as his lips met mine. I didn’t know what to do, except close my eyes, letting the heat of his lips melt any and all thought process away. His lips tasted of the grape soda he drank earlier, at that moment it was the sweetest thing I ever tasted.
His Dark Chocolate Axe body spray made itself known to my nose, filling up my mind of all the times I have wanted to do just this, but never having the courage to be so forward. It was all him, everything I had fallen for and grown to love over the year that I’ve known him. His hands were caressing my cheeks, making my body temperature rise even more.
I soon realized that I needed to breath and pulled away, red-faced and embarrassed.
He looked at me, smug and proud of himself to have put me in this state. All I could think about was that I needed a little space and time to recover; stupidly I thought I should put myself in a corner, by the door of the church.
“Hey, come back.” he called softly. He walked over to me, what I thought he was going to to was hug me again. I laughed nervously, the adrenaline pushing to limits I didn’t even think existed. He wrapped me in his arms again. My mind was running through things to say, but only one of them made sense at the time.
“Why?” I mustered out. I could feel the smile playing on his lips against my neck. “It was something I always wanted to do, ever since I met you.” He moved so he was face to face with me, I tried to turn my head. I was feeling confused and somewhat anxious. I knew previously that he liked me once upon a time, but I thought the feelings would go away. At least that’s what he told me. I was fine with that, he was with someone else.
But now that he was single again, he always wanted to hang out with me; with his reason being that he likes my company and that I was his best friend.
He gently took my chin in his hand and turned my face back towards him, his lips crashing into mine again. I thought I could handle it a second time. But the heat and pressure of hips lips, and him pressing against me with my back against the wall; just seemed to make my blood pulse faster, my heart was hammering so hard in my chest I thought it would burst. The cold crisp air tossed itself around us, making me put my arms around him to keep warm, and making the kiss even more passionate.
We soon broke away, since for one I need air, and for two; my ride had showed up. He walked me down to my car and said his goodbyes.
But the goodbye wasn’t very long, since we both knew we would be talking on the phone till the wee hours of the night with each other.
On the trip home, all I could think about was the feeling of his lips on mine, and I shivered.
So, as you can tell. It was pretty justified, and I didn’t know how to react to it. But nevertheless, I was extremely nervous that night, but it soon faded away with time. I really hope this is the last personal thing I write on here that makes me blush really bad.
But, as I said earlier with the dreams, that’s the kind of dream I’ve been having a lot lately. It scares me. I just hope I don’t do anything stupid, like do what its telling me not to.
I love you Jessie. This one is pretty much dedicated to you. 😉 ❤
-The Ginchu. :3